Strong Relationships Promote Physician Family Well-Being

Something about living in a time of challenge makes us realize how essential and indispensable our relationships are. Turning to the one person who just “gets it” helps make life a bit easier. For those with children, the neverending give and take and exhaustion are met with sweet reminders that being a parent may very well be one of the best things you have done.

Well-being within our relationships is nice to talk about, but putting it into action when you add on the impossible demands of physician family life is another story. As a therapist, wife of a surgeon, and mother of two small children, I get it.

Here are some realistic, attainable tips to boost your connection with your loved ones.

1. Reminisce

 Take a second and remember (maybe it was pre hectic physician schedule) why you fell in love with your partner. Think of those moments that were intimate and special between the two of you. Now, sit down (kid free, if possible) and talk about it and reminisce over old pictures or videos. Talk about funny stories and exciting adventures. Re-live those moments during a candle-lit dinner, even at midnight, and take a trip down memory lane. This is a great way to bond and will most definitely include some laughs (maybe even a few happy tears).

2. Rethink Family Time  

Due to time (and energy) limitations, physician family activities may both look and occur differently than those of other households. Do what you can. It may mean packing up the crew on a post-call day and heading to a local museum or playground. Or maybe it means watching Netflix all cuddled up on the couch. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what we’re doing or where we are; rather, what’s important is making the most of the limited time we have together. Forget about enjoying every minute; just try to enjoy most of them.

3. Support One Another  

It is easy to compare how hard your day was to your significant other’s day and make it feel like a competition at times. Slow down and realize that everyone has their own challenges, stress, and struggles. Take the time to really ask your partner how their day was. Talk through the hard moments and ways to get through it together. Put down the phone/electronic device and really listen to each other to create a safe environment and open dialogue. Make eye contact with your loved one, and allow them that time to open up, even if it's only for 10 minutes.

4. Strong Relationships Build Strong Family Units 

Having a strong, healthy relationship will filter down to your children. Children see and hear everything even if you don’t think they are listening. When they see their parents happy, they will be significantly happier. Plan family nights! Even if your only day off is a school night, get the sleeping bags out and have a fun “movie theater” night in. Have the kids pick out their favorite snacks and put on a  movie. Something as simple as that will create lifelong memories. Make sure your experience is a phone-free zone (unless you are on call, or course) to really enjoy the moment.

5. Eat Dinner Together as a Family

This one is tough due to schedules, but when possible, sit down and eat dinner together as a family, even if it’s only once a week. Food is something that brings people together and allows conversations to start flowing. Asking about each other's day and giving each family member time to talk will help bring everyone together and feel important. Even if you have little ones who can’t talk yet, it’s still important to include them at the dinner table! No family member is too young for dinnertime family fun.

6. Quality Over Quantity

It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day hustle and forget about what is truly important in life: family. It’s not about the quantity but the quality of time spent. Let me say that again: it’s not about the quantity of time spent. Even if it's 20 minutes. Don’t stress about how much time you have, but focus on the time you do have and are able to spend. Time is hard to come by, but making the best of it and staying positive will keep a healthy mindset.

Relationships are tough. Adding children into that mix is even tougher. It’s okay to have stressful, bad days. We all do. We are human, right? The key is realizing that there are going to be tough days. Hopefully , your really amazing days will outweigh the bad ones. Who doesn’t like to laugh until they can barely breathe? Or take some tech-free time and unwind? These are things that sometimes feel farfetched that will bring us back to reality.

We tend to always want to live in the future or stress about things to come and we forget to live in the now. None of us are promised tomorrow, so try your best to live for the present and squeeze in some time for your partner and family today.

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